When I read back at who I was in the past, I really like that version of me
I became so toxic and hateful during 2022-2023. It is so horrible. I really hate it.
I need to cleanse myself and become pure again.
Need another mountain expedition.
The importance of intuition.
YOGA
Today, I felt an overpowering need to go to a yoga class and so, I did.
It turned out to be a 1-1 session, the first time ever I had that.
Started with deep breaths, and then the yoga instructor said to set the intentions about why I was there, and what do I want to feel before, during, and after the session.
Said about, it is about being peaceful, it is not about the intensity, it is about the calm.
Those hit me because recently I was thinking about what love should feel like.
At the end, she mentioned that yoga is a practice of peacefulness.
That hit me again because they usually say it is about mindfulness instead.
And peace was really what I needed.
WALK
Then, I had an overwhelming urge again, to take a walk.
A long walk to clear my mind and calm my thoughts.
I walked from the yoga studio at Bugis, to Marina Bay Sands, to Marina Barrage.
Things that were very therapeutic for me:
The light pastel sky.
The little bird prancing into the grass.
The water flowing and moving
The city skyline amidst the sunset, and oh my gosh, the clouds look so dramatic.
BACK
When it was time to head back, I had two choices - Follow back the old path, or go a new one.
Felt a sense of sian going back the old path.
And I felt a calling to walk along Gardens by the Bay instead and see new scenery.
Just RIGHT when I reached the Supertrees, the Garden Rhapsody started and played a performance to the songs of Singapore.
The performance ended off with the song "Home"
Where my dreams wait for me, where I will never be alone...
It was just so amazing and so beautiful.
Somehow following my heart brought me to something that I really needed.
It was like a fucking calling.
It felt like the universe was telling me that I am right where I am supposed to be.
I am at the right place, at the right time.
This is what is needed.
The stars just fucking aligned.
I could have continued walking towards East Coast Park, but it didn't feel right.
I could have ignored the sunset, chose not to sit at the bench and admired the scenery, but it didn't feel right.
I could have walked back towards Raffles Place, but it didn't feel right.
I just did what felt right, and everything just ended so beautifully.
And I will continue to do what feels right, and trust my intuition.
Joven Chiam Wen Yong
Where should I even begin...
I just don't understand how someone can be that much of a liar and manipulator
He keeps thinking that I am the one who keeps refusing to let him go, when I already told him face to face that okay I have already accepted the fact that we are different in our views and I am ready to part ways
Then the very next day he asked me to go JB with his family, kept texting me about the places they visited that reminded him of our previous JB trips, bought me my favourite eureka popcorn... told me to let him "slowly get back into the state of a bf..." like he literally texted that. And then the next moment, he can completely deny and say "noooo I never said that hor" and "when did I ask you to come JB"... wtf?
If he really wanted to end the relationship, then okay... Come to my house to celebrate my birthday for what?! I just cut cake with my family can already what. I wasn't even throwing a party or anything.
At this point in time, I seriously think that he is a fickle-minded pathological liar. He lies not only on big issues but even for small things on a daily basis. Sometimes when I already know what happened and I have evidence on the facts, he can't even admit his mistakes. And he is damn hao lian, he keeps saying that his interview skills is damn good, where even if he doesn't like the role, he can say until people believe that he wants the role so much. LOLOL.
In front of others, he just acts like a nice humble person. But omg, he is not humble at all!!! He keeps thinking that he is the most handsome person in SUSS and he wants to get into Standard Chartered International Graduate Programme for the glory (he literally said glory...) LOL
AND he keeps bombarding me about his anti-feminist views, about how females should serve the males. Like he completely agrees with Andrew Tate. But he will never express that on social media because he says that he is scared that he will get cancelled LOL
One might wonder, why was I even with a person like that? Well... He wasn't like that in the past when he had nothing to his name. Okay, he already had a habit of lying since the start. But it only got worse this year. This chauvinistic part of him only manifested AFTER he got accepted into the Standard Charted International Graduate Programme and got interviewed by Today Online. And the best part is... He says that he just have to sell people his sob story, and he can get in anywhere... LOL
Then he asked me to financially support him until he starts work then he can provide a better quality of life for the both of us. WHICH I DID. When he has no money to pay his credit card bills, I transferred him. For Kyo's expenses, most of the time I paid 100%. When he incurred fines, I also chip in to help. When he has a donation drive, I am the first one to donate. For our dates, most of the time I am paying like 70%-80%. And then after that, he cheated on me. Thanks a lot. Even for his Bali trip, I transferred him some money to buy his hiking equipments. He said that he will transfer me back, but till now, nothing hor. NATO. No Action Talk Only.
But it is okay!!! I believe karma will always find its way, even though it may manifest itself later in life. Like on 28 April, when he cheated on me to go on a date with Hazel Mak, he lied to me that everything will be back to normal with us and Kyo. He told me to "trust". And then on the other hand, he went to tell Hazel Mak that he was "appeasing" me LOL obviously he was having the time of his life lying away. Anyhoo, 3 months later, LTA sent him a letter and fined him $400 for crossing the red light on 28 April with 12 demerit points HAHAHA
And on the very day that he went to climb Mount Rinjani, the summit was out of bounds for visitors due to an unfortunate incident. Like of alllllll days, it has JUST got to be that day when he visited. This is really called KARMA
Bye MCP.
It's been long since I've written in this space, but I would like to dedicate this post to a girl called Hazel Mak Rou Wei from Singapore University of Social Sciences (SUSS).
I just simply cannot comprehend how one can be so thick skinned to throw themselves onto someone else's long term partner. Even when the guy had clearly told her that he wants to focus on his relationship, she could still be brazen enough to tell him that she misses him, and wants to hold his hand, tries to call him and still asks him to meet up.
Well kudos to her for being so "tenacious" (as she describes herself on her Linkedin) but if one has no qualms about being a third party/ home wrecker, then it also means that they are unscrupulous and unethical right?
Maybe she is taught that "there is no limit to what we can achieve" during her stint in Ninja Van and she thinks that she will be successful in stealing another girl's man lol I cannot believe that she even tricked him into downloading some app to share across her "H♡J" message HAHA what a sneaky little girl
I've really not met a girl who is so thirsty for attention and has such a strong desire to be wanted, such that she will group with all guys for a project, and then proceeds to name the chat group.....
ROU WEI FAN CLUB HAHAHAHA
like what? she wants to be idolised? and the guys to be her manslaves? LOL
Anyhoo, hope that with her "mindset for continuous learning", she would learn her lesson and not make the same mistake again. If Hazel cannot respect the guy's decision and the long term relationship that he has with his partner, at the very least, I hope that she can respect herself and have some morals to do the right thing. Despite all the hoo-ha and emotional damage that she has caused, the parties involved still wish that she will be able to find her own happiness, but of course to only go for what is available in the market because greed will always lead to one's downfall ☺
Tonight taught me that
The only person who will always be there for you, is yourself.
Love yourself
Sometimes people say things that you like to hear
But they don’t actually meant
But it’s okay
Just take it with a pinch of salt
Decide if that’s what you really want
Or if that’s something you can live with
Good times are easy
Everything goes smoothly
Everyone is happy
But the most important things
Are the bad times
Can someone really be there for you
During your lowest points
Can someone really be there with you
To weather the darkest storms
Or would they just disappear
Along with the wind
Only coming out
When the sun shines again...
⛈
H A P P Y N E W D E C A D E ! ! !
Over the last decade, I have grown incredibly much and surpassed my goals!
When I was younger, it was my goal to graduate with a Bachelor's Degree from a local university within the shortest span of time, and to eventually work my way up to a mid-management role by 30 years old. But hey! Landing into a graduate program accelerated my journey and I am where I want to be 5 years ahead of time!
"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you will land among the stars"
For this decade, I have set myself some pretty ambitious goals! It is one that I dream of when I close my eyes. There are many temptations in life, that influences me to steer off course. However, I must constantly remind myself to keep my eyes on the ball. Dreams are but nothing without action. So this year, would be a year of action. Stop thinking, just do it!
Let go and let live
➳
"My only regret is not being able to spend more time with you"
And I almost teared.
🌙
Just thinking about how much I have changed...
From reading a book everyday in primary school,
to playing the piano everyday in secondary school and junior college,
and the diaries that I used to write everyday,
I don't do those anymore.
Just reminiscing and feeling nostalgic for the old me after hearing this song.
It got me thinking about who I was in the past, who I am, and who I want to be in the future.
University had changed me a lot.
A lot of new experiences, spirals of dopamine highs, bottomless pits of lows.
Then came graduation that marked the end of the familiar 15-year chapter.
The 15 years that I lived with the sole goal of striving towards
entering a top school, with top grades, scoring a top internship and securing a top job...
Have I achieved my goals?
I would say so.
I would say so.
The next question is...
Now what?
It's a whole new world of endless possibilities.
Being in a relationship had also taught me that there's so much more to life.
The non-quantifiable things like love, health, family, friends.
It made me redefine how I looked at life, and my definition of success.
Looking back though,
I am able to see how much I have grown
and I can't help thinking how would I be like in future.
I am thankful for each and every experience,
and each and every person that I have crossed paths with,
for it is each and every of the small things
that have shaped me to who I am today.
I like who I am today, and I am proud of me too.
I am also proud of the accomplishments that I have achieved,
and I oughta give myself more credit for that.
That aside,
this new world that I am navigating through,
I'll figure it out.
As Steve Jobs said, we have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in our future.
(Still one of my favourite quotes heh)
With the constant flux of changes,
at least there is still something that was a part of me, and still a part of me - photo-editing!
Still sparks that joy in me ;)
Ok ending the pensive mood with a throwback to a happy day at Ngong Ping Village
💛
Words from Powell;
[1]
It can be done.
"Once again, it is more about attitude than reality. Maybe it can't be done but always start out believing you can get it done until facts and analysis pile up against it. It's a balance. I try to be an optimist, but I try not to be stupid."
[2]
Don't let adverse facts stand in the way of a good decision.
"What's the situation? What's the mission? What are the different courses of action?
Now follow your informed instinct, decide, and execute forcefully... Then take a deep breath and hope it works."
Now follow your informed instinct, decide, and execute forcefully... Then take a deep breath and hope it works."
[3]
Check small things.
"The large picture of success is built upon many, many small things, and knowledge of those things.
The more senior you become, the more you are insulated by pomp and staff, and the harder and more necessary it becomes to know what is going on six floors down. Real leaders have a feel for what's going on in the depths... where the small things reside."
[4]
Remain calm, be kind.
"You are in a storm. The captain must steady the ship, watch all the gauges, listen to all the department heads, and steer through it. If the leaders loses his head, confidence in him will be lost. So assess the situation, move fast, be decisive, but remain calm and most importantly, never let them see you sweat."
[5]
Don't take counsel of your fears or naysayers.
He will never forget the fear, the feeling, when he first came under fire. It was Vietnam, 1963, and Powell was adviser to a Vietnamese infantry battalion. "We were walking down a forested trail when we were hit by small arms fire from an enemy ambush. We returned fire and the Viet Cong enemy quickly melted back into the forest." It was over in less than a minute, but they lost a soldier. "That night, as I tried to sleep on the forest floor, I was filled with the realization that the next morning we would probably be ambushed again. And we were ... That morning, and every morning, I had to use my training and self-discipline to control my fear and move on, just like the Vietnamese, just like every soldier since ancient times. "Moreover, as a leader, I could show no fear. I could not let my fear control me."
[6]
Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier.
It was late one winter night in Korea. Powell and his battalion of 500 soldiers had just finished a tough week of training and were waiting for trucks to take them back to their barracks 20 miles away when word came in that there was a fuel shortage. No trucks; they'd have to walk.
"[We] went for it, over some terrible hills. It was tough going. I wasn't sure I could keep up with these younger soldiers ... But I pushed it, and so did they, magnificently. At the last mile, we could look down at the lights of Camp Casey. We fell into step and marched into camp in the middle of the night singing out a cadence and waking up everybody in the camp. It was a great night. We had demanded a lot from our soldiers. But we had prepared them, we believed in them, they believed in us, and we had the confidence and optimism that they would succeed."
Empty vessels make the loudest sound.
But why is it that society seems to reward those who make more sound?
I would prefer quality over quantity...
😌
And the countdown begins... 12 more days!
I can’t believe this is really happening.
While I’m afraid to leave behind the people that I love the most,
I’m excited to live an entirely new experience!
I believe that this 6 months will bring along growth and self-discovery.
It is always the unknown that is frightening right,
but once you are all settled down,
things can be pretty awesome ~
习惯就好
I’m gonna come back better than before!
Just in time for my birthday too ✌🏻
🕯
Sometimes the right things are just about the hardest things to do.
Sometimes no matter how much you give to someone, you will never be enough.
Sometimes no matter how many chances you give to someone, they will never change.
With every chance given, a deeper ache accompanies.
The greatest love that you can give, is to yourself.
Stop giving someone the power to hurt you.
One day, everything will fade away,
like dandelions in the breeze.
Appreciate yourself.
Just do you.
Be strong.
Peace.
💛
Things to keep in mind about the kind of leader I would want to be:
1) One who trust my team’s capabilities and one who is flexible in arrangements. One who doesn’t micromanage and suffocates
2) One who walks the talk and practises what one preaches
3) One who inspires others to be their best, even the underperformers. One who cares about people’s feelings. Never shaming or criticising a staff as it demotivates them which affects their productivity.
4) One who respects your team as much as you would respect your superiors
4 more weeks & Dhoby’s a free elf!!!
🧝♀️
Keep faith.
Good things are going to happen.
Everything will find its way.
🌈
Bitterness keeps you from flying,
Always stay humble and kind.
Know the difference between sleeping with someone,
And sleeping with someone you love.
I love you aint no pickup line so,
Always stay humble and kind.
Hold the door say please say thank you.
Don't steal, don't cheat, and don't lie.
I know you got mountains to climb but,
Always stay humble and kind.
When those dreams you're dreamin' come to you,
When the work you put in is realised,
Let yourself feel the pride but,
Always stay humble and kind.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones.
✌
Follow your heart.
Do the right thing.
It's never easy.
Courage.
You will grow.
New beginnings.
For the better future.
✌
😌
If there’s 1 thing I learnt from 孙子兵法 it is that:
Quickness is the Essence of war.
This war is definitely not quick at all...
🐼
So little time,
So much work.
If there is 1 thing I learnt in Uni:
It is not enough to work hard.
We gotta work smart.
👍
